When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.
– L.R. Knost

“Excellent, effective educators often notice and tap into the teachable moment, that magical time when something unexpected happens and an unplanned, but fabulous opportunity arises to share a new insight or to guide ­children in exploration or discovery. A second path to ­effective teaching and parenting, especially of young ­children, lies in honing our ability to also recognize the unteachable moment, when tempers and emotions run hot and things seem to erupt out of control. A conventional behavior intervention perspective might see this as an opportunity to highlight the consequences of inappropriate behavior and teach new skills. Neuroscience research offers a more nuanced perspective and sheds light on ­strategies for a more responsive approach.”

So begins an article by Kirsten Haugen, “The Unteachable Moment: Lessons from the Neuroscience of Stress, Conflict, and (Mis)behavior,” that is the basis for the Out of the Box Training, “Brain-Based Approach to Behavior.”

Haugen explains that some moments simply are not times to try to reason with children. She writes, “When we experience strong emotions like stress, fear, or anger, the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal system releases a flood of ­cortisol.”

She describes what happens when our brains are flooded with cortisol:

“we are neurochemically blocked from applying reason to the situation and instead get fired up into a highly-impulsive protective, reactive state. If the ­trigger persists, continued cortisol production maintains this heightened reactivity. Only when the stressor is gone can the cortisol slowly drain away, and our brains and bodies revert to a calm state. Until then, we remain on high alert, urged to act, but not able to learn or process. Thus, moments of stress are truly, biochemically unteachable moments, and yes, they will pass.”