Our boundaries define our personal space – and we need to be sovereign there in order to be able to step into our full power and potential.
– Jessica Moore, American Journalist

The desire to provide the most attentive, loving, and safe environment possible for as many children as possible is real and honorable, and yet it must not be in competition with the desire to attend, love, and create safety for ourselves. In the article, “Navigating Compassion Fatigue with Compassion,” author Shoshanah Findling shares some of the ways of thinking that can lead us down the road towards unhealthy helping:

“The invitation that welcomes compassion fatigue into your life often starts with having thoughts such as, “I am here to help and I want to make a difference.” This is usually followed by, “I am responsible for those I help and the outcomes that follow.” When you develop the misguided belief that your reputation depends on these outcomes, you also develop a false sense of control or ownership over the end result of your work. It is normal to want to be competent and successful, but you must maintain realistic expectations under increasing demands for effectiveness, when the result of your work is completely based on the decisions that others make in their lives.”

It is not the act of service or care that creates dysfunction, it is when we decide that the responsibility of providing support is solely on our shoulders that physical, mental, and emotional fatigue are most prominent. It is healthy and necessary to remind ourselves that we are not responsible for the future, only for our slice of the present. It is beautiful to say no, at times, to rest, and to take off what we are carrying. It does not mean we do not care; it is a sign that we include ourselves in the web of those deserving of grace and gentleness.