Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment.
– Kristin Neff

In an online article in Greater Good magazine, Krisann Valdez writes about a study that explored why some people can forgive themselves after a wrongdoing or failure, while others remain stuck in perpetual guilt and shame. She quotes a number of mental health professionals who say it’s important to learn to approach our mistakes as a necessary part of learning rather than being upset with ourselves for not obtaining perfection.

She describes an interview with two experts:

“Psychologist Lisa Larsen says it’s vital to be honest about our mistakes without letting them define us—to recognize a bad choice and know you’re capable of better ones.

“Self-compassion plays a central role, too, [therapist Saba Harouni Lurie] says, ‘Offering yourself care and kindness, even and especially when you’re in the wrong or have done something you regret, is crucial.’ Taking accountability doesn’t have to mean self-punishment. Participants who forgave themselves tended to accept their imperfections and recommit to their personal values.”