One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others.
– bell hooks

Kirsten Haugen, Dimensions Foundation’s Director of Professional Growth and Research, shared this article from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, called “11 Ways To Help Young Children Develop a Strong Sense of Mattering.”

The article explains that the science of mattering can inform practical, actionable strategies that we all can use to build mattering into young children’s development. Here are a few of the strategies:

Practice serve and return daily.
Responding warmly and promptly to a child’s cues, whether it’s a smile, a cry, or a question, shows them they are worthy of a caregiver’s time and attention.

Model repair.
When an adult intentionally reconnects after a conflict, it tells the child that the relationship is worth repairing because they are worth it, reinforcing that they matter and are valued even when things are hard.

Call them a “helper.”
The language we use helps children see their contributions as part of who they are.

And in a resource that was developed by Kirsten Haugen, an Out of the Box Training called “Brain-Based Approach to Behavior” she describes how we can help children feel supported, even when they are exhibiting dysregulated behavior.  She explains that brains react to conflict as threat, including when children are in conflict with each other or with their teachers. “These perceived threats are processed in the same way as physical threats, and the amygdala responds in the same way to focus our minds and bodies to react rather than to reflect…Learning will not occur while the brain is flooded with cortisol. Accept this and move on to some very helpful things you can do during an unteachable moment.”

Haugen suggests:

• “Keep your focus on calming things down, starting with yourself.
• Avoid trying to teach a lesson or make a point. It won’t be heard and it will likely prolong the conflict by keeping the child in a neurochemically-charged state.
• Recognize that the best time to confront the issue is later on, when all brains involved have returned to a receptive, reflective state.”