“We should reframe the way we talk to children, and tell them what to do rather than what not to do,” writes Mary Gersten in an Out of the Box Training, Teaching With Respect.

She provides an example of what she means: “Amara was in the store with her mom. She had been given a balloon to hold. Her mom said to Amara, ‘Now don’t let it go.’ Amara immediately let go of the string and watched it float to the ceiling. In her frustration, her mother yelled, ‘I said DON’T.’ The next time Amara was given a balloon, she said, ‘Now hold the balloon tight.’ Amara held the balloon, safely making it to the car with it still in her hand.”

This is but one example of how Mary Gersten supports educators in intentionally focusing on how their words can affect children – both negatively and positively.

And, as a side note, this focus on “what to do” can be effective for adult self-talk as well.