Everyone responds positively to kindness … until we are able to look after ourselves we receive great kindness from many different people, without which we would not survive. Reflecting on this and how we are all just human beings, whether we are rich or poor, educated or uneducated, and whether we belong to one nation, religion, culture or another, may inspire us to repay the kindness we have received by being kind to others ourselves.
– The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso

Contributed by Exchange Leader, Tamar Jacobson.

When I think of time out, I see it as a sports metaphor. It is usually when the team gets together to analyze what went wrong and how to proceed with improvement. They huddle, even hug, and they are close and supportive. The coach directs them. They listen and learn together. They learn to understand that they are all “in this together.”

When time out is used for young children, they are placed in isolation and are required to self-regulate alone without support. Confused, afraid and angry they are abandoned to deal with complex emotions alone while we ignore them and give our attention to all the other children in the class. Time out, which we rationalize as beneficial for developing self-regulation in young children, therefore, becomes punitive. Indeed, it is cruel, or at the very least insensitive to the needs and development of young children. It teaches only fear, exclusion, loneliness, and resentment. Self-regulation becomes a nightmare.

We, the adults, invented the rules. We created our society with our values and norms. Young children don’t know them yet. We are the ones to help them understand how we want our society to work. We can choose to be inclusive, supportive, and compassionate about it. We can choose to guide young children without punishment, and not shame and humiliate them.

In conclusion, reflect on this:

When I was a child, how would I have liked to be treated?

How can we help children feel like we are all in this together?